dirty golf quotes

Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. The most important shot in golf is the next one. How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. My shaft is bent. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? Spread your legs a little more. How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. The battle that raged inside each players head. Required fields are marked *. They like cricket better. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Dirt your body. Because it would interrupt their tea time. Because they might get a slice. We share them in our weekly newsletter. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." 2. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Here, have a carrot! Are you a water hazard? I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? when we were married," said the pouting wife. 3. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? Its to move on. Hi there! Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. Two rounds a day are plenty. Everyday I'm Schauffele. Golf is more complicated than that. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Mini Golf Captions. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. What does a golfer do on his day off? Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. I Am Shuvo Saha. Please sign up with your best email address. Required fields are marked *. 1. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Why not! Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. P.G. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. Clubbing. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Boo. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? -Lee Trevino I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. 21. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. I'll let you beat me. - Mickey Mantle. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. P.G. If we . Golfing? Are you into kinky stuff? Fantastic 4-some. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. 4. Roarin' Mcllroy Basketball is a sport for black men. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. 3 of 10. Its almost a law. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. Two, be your own person. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? And there are windmills. Eight. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. Correct one fault at a time. I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? Peter Jacobson, 33. My three keys to success: One, work hard. Whos there? Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Why do golfers hate cake? People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. Required fields are marked *. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. 8. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Knock, knock So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. Fore-get Me Nots. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. Play golf. Happy Gilmore. You shot an eight. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. Just ask my ex -wives. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. He said. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? He attacks it. Clubbing. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. You okay with that? The Dalai Lama himself. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? Besides that, I love to explore. The lowest score wins. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. 9. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? Please read here for more information. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? Look at the size of his putter. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. So what are you waiting for? Boo who? Wash your balls. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. They expect to succeed! Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. Lift your head and spread your legs. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. no! Watch their eyes. A great shot is when you pull it off. How do you know you should be a golfer? "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. Knock, knock Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. 1. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. Their fore-fathers! Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. but I can show you what is! Choose 3. Many golfing terms sound naughty. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. Twelfth son of the Lama. In case he gets a hole in one. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. "Golf is like a love affair. 4. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. The threesome were curious what was going on. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Keep your sense of humor. And that thought is: Dont think. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.".

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